DomesticTV: Buy a new face in the Country

1800: Jacob’s Property Ladder

This week the property market collapses and the hosts are given the sack along with a quick and painless death.

1830: Third Degree Burns

The daily diary of Krypton Factor’s Gordon Burns as he attempts to complete his third university course as a mature student, whilst also recovering from wounds sustained in a fire.

1900: Gratifying shots down my cleavage

And also some great recipes too!

2030: Gardener’s Question Time

Diarmuid Gavin and Alan Titchmarsh talk about the state of Israel-Palestine relations and British nuclear deterrents.

2100: Market Garden

Giles Coren and Hugh Fernley Whittingstall try to source organic vegetables whilst simultaneously flanking half of mainland Europe.

2200: How to look good naked

Turn the lights off.

2230: 50 Things to do before you die

Cancel milk, review will, appropriate true feelings to loved ones.

2300: Look 10 years young

This week a 50 year-old housewife from Bromhamsted has her face surgically altered to look like a Henry hoover.

2330: Spouse Exchange

Two couples too in fear of the concept of swinging or polyamorous relationships trade partners for a week only to find the idea of habitation with another human being intolerable, if not abhorrent.

0030: Rude World

Vaguely tenuous sexual fetishry for bored married couples and men still amazed by the fact they have dribbling sexual organs.